Men's Pearls of Wisdom - damn funny!!!!

received this while conducting occasional checks on my gmail account. from lindsey.

it is damn funny!!!!

should read it whenever i am in need of afew laughs.

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Men's Pearls of Wisdom

1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I don't remember, what I chose.

2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

12. Marriage is the only way where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?

A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?

A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, 'Don 't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!!

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enjoy!!!!

testimonial.

Hi Angela,

This is for the student testimonial purpose, just help me to answer below questions and write some comments about the school ok?

How do you find the lecturers? Are they friendly and professional enough?

Do you think that you have gained quite some knowledge from school and it should be useful for your future life? Is the learning process (assignments, exams, presentations…) developed your personality and potential ability?

Do you like the school environment and the students around you? Do you appreciate the events and activities that we organized besides your study schedule?

What do you like best about our school? Why do you think we want to choose you as a testimonial student?

Finally, thank you very much for your time and have a nice day ahead! I will see you around. All the best!

Regards,

xxx xxxx

Senior Programme Consultant / Sales Department

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hmmmm. i have a meeting with this xxx later on.

how shall i go about answering her????

some teachers are crappy and all of us have no idea what they are talking about.

some of the students do not ought to be let into the bachelor programme because they still do not know the 4Ps well!

other than study schedule, those school activities which i attended was because it was graded.

i like best about the school are my friends.

i think you chose me as a testimonial student because i am NOT going to say any of the above and tell you something very politically correct.

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sheesh!

makes me mad.

i flipped through my mum's copy of wanbao just now, and i saw a piece of news which made me rather disgusted.

i assume by now, everyone in singapore should know that the phrase '老牛吃嫩草' is talking about the local compere; now labeled as the 'old bull'. for those who do not understand chinese, '老牛吃嫩草' simply means an older person (usually a male) who like to date/be with a much younger partner.

according to the article, the old bull was very much married to his wife when he started an affair with his much younger PA. before the scandal/affair was exposed, he apparently lied to his wife that he was moving out temporarily to concentrate on his career. however before he left, he did leave with his wife an agreement which promised to take care of all her expenses, as well as the household.

she apparently thought he was trying to make her feel more secured, and the main reason behind it was because he really loved her so much. my goodness. imagine how she felt when she learnt of his (very publicized) affair. according to my mum, he retorted in defense of his affair that the bull has worked very hard in life, so what is wrong with eating tender grass. *rolls eyes*

anyway, apparently he promised his wife that he will pay for her credit card bills, cable tv bill, (wait lemme go get the papers) insurance fee, handphone/homephone bills, housing loan repayment, utilities bills, misc/maintenance fee, and on top of that a monthly allowance of 5k.

this issue actually died down for some time already, until very recently about afew days back. he apparently hasn't given his soon-to-be ex-wife her 5k alimony for quite a few months, and that was how the whole saga came about again. hah! loser.

anyway she apparently went to his friend's salon to have her hair done, and left the bill (in which she wrote that he had not given her alimony for afew months thus he will be paying for her haircut) for him to pay. hahaha!! not only his friends, even his friend's employees knew about it!!! super lose face!!!

his defense was that he really had no money to give her, and that he could barely fork out 2k per month to give to her, much less the promised 5k. he further complained about his (hefty) monthly expenses, and about the rental of a place to stay. something he left out was his newly purchased car (which SHE told the reporters), and get this, he doesn't even have a driving license!!!

ANYWAY. the point of this post is to tell everyone how disgusted i was, and still am, at such fuckers. in the beginning, he makes it all nice and rosy and appears gentlemanly, to make her agree to a divorce. after she agrees, he bails out on past promises and act poor. FUCK OFF!!!

got no license but go and buy car for fuck?? that's for the filthy rich to do!!! rich people buy cars and place it at home for pleasure viewing, not the poor!! so if he can do that, it must mean he is financially strong.

plus, who can he blame if he has to leave his own home to rent a place to stay??? nobody asked him to cheat on his wife. nobody forces a bull to eat grass lor. *rolls eyes* everyone has to be answerable for their actions, and consequences for each action taken may be far more severe than imaginable. this applies to almost anything, and very much so for fuckers like him.

damn disgusting can?!?!?!?!?! as disgusting as sg's 'modern monk'. argh! GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

colours of life.

i think people do change when they grow up. i have often brought myself back to yesteryears these days... and looking back, i realised that i was really quite naive. haha

eons ago when i was much, much younger; i used to see all things in black and white, refusing to believe in the grey. good people only do good deeds, bad people are those who are never kind to anyone... a + b must be = c... when we meet with situation X, we will do only Y... such idealistic thoughts we have when we were young, huh.

i wonder when did i stop believing in pure black and white, and realised that the world is full of mainly grey... 1 + 2 is no longer 3 but overcrowding, and there will always be the 'it depends' factor.

i wonder if growing up does this to people. adding in the greys... suddenly had the colours matched in my head... black, white, grey, and blue. which probably pretty much explains my everyday blues...

shit. i have no idea what i was blogging about.

nation's 44th.

yesterday was Singapore's 44th birthday.

now, i am really not a big fan of this country.. but i must confess that i really enjoyed yesterday's NDP show. though i think it must have been about 100x nicer watching it live.

throughout the entire show, there were some really touching moments... *sniff* though by now i can't really remember already... comments made by some singaporeans that they filmed i think. but not the ones overseas.. those are quite sheesh. hahahaa

i think this year's show is the best so far, on the floating platform.. normally i watch the starting parade, then i skip the entire performance usually done by schools, and go back to the tv box for the fireworks. this year they really managed to capture my (and my family's) attention, from start till end.

super good job! :) proud to be a singaporean.. (back to cursing the erp the next day, friend says. hahahaa)

insomnia

yet another sleepless night.

tried to sleep around 2:30am, tossed and turned and finally slept around 3plus.. woke up at around 4plus and was restless the entire time. which kinda explains why i'm awake before 7am, when my class starts at 9am.

bah!!!!!!

many weird dreams and scenarios floating around in my mind.. i wonder if this is my muse giving me creativity juices. hahahaha! doubt it.

i feel stretched to a certain limits when faced with school work. nothing seems to be going right, and i can't seem to churn out the required number of words for assignments. to some, this may seem normal.. but it says something huh, when i always exceed the maximum allocated word count.

i wonder if it's a mental block, hopefully temporary; or if it's more of a burn-out. unlike my many other fortunate fellow-schoolmates, i am not at liberty to do badly in my studies. *sigh* this is very much what we call in chinese, "tong(2) ren(2) bu(4) tong(2) ming(4)".

long weekend coming up very very soon... national day for singapore. to quote the chinese radio dj, "this is a very special year as it is Singapore's 44th birthday". hahahahahahah!

every year also special what!! next year it's going to be special as it is the nation's 45th birthday! lame ley.... when i hear someone say an occasion is very special, i'm anticipating the really special part. not such lame stuff.. such bs.

after the long weekend is assignment submission day. fark. i can't seem to type anything for the assignment.

and i prolly will end up sleeping in class later. omg.

I SIMPLY LUURRRVVEEE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(*rolls eyes*)